Long Response:


Dan - this is RCD from Amazon's Wacko Religion forum - you thought I should check out your poems and offer any comments or suggestions.
I hope you were not annoyed by the message i left for you at A.C - I was just  trying to be amusing and i really did lose my notebook.
 
For what its worth -I like these poems of yours' here - they're elemental  and clear and veering / verging right into the Heart of the matter - Existence  is essence with broken fingernails
 
steam /love / life /stardust /indifference /the gem-like gyrating gears of the Cosmos / the children of God  gazing at Mother = the elements are here in all their majestic  -and buff naked bluntness ..... and -  improvising off  one of your riffs - the swerve of it all is bitter/ sweet-
Think Universal / feel particular and write local - back in your own backyard::
 
D  A7   A7+   D           Bm Fdim(III) Em7        A7
The bird with feathers of blue   is    waiting for you

Em7         A7  A7+   D   Cdim(IV)   Em7      A7
Back in your own back yard;

 D     A7   A7+   D        Bm   Fdim(III) Em7 A7sus4        A7
You'll find your castle in Spain through your  win - dow - pane

Em7           A7 A7+   D
Back in your own back yard.
 
 
I probably didn't need to include the chord changes here
 but it is interesting to note that Bird is A7 -Blue is Bm, You is A7, Spain is Bm ,Pane is A7 and Feathers, Castle and Yard are all D -  words have a sound and stink and  an esoterica - a music - a secret code that places them in a specific locus on the scale of things - which may vary according to the singer and the song and the scale - personally I love D minor, E m and F :
 
Bridge:

DM7        F#m             F#m+7   
Oh, you can go to the east, go to the west,

F#m7           B7
Someday you'll come

E       E7   Bm7-5            Gm      A7
Weary at heart back where you started from.



A7+    A7   A7+   D        Bm  Fdim(III) Em7        A7
You'll find your happiness lies  right   under your eyes

Em7          A7  A7+   D
Back in your own back yard.
 
 
And, that is why the "Beautiful Changes," hich is a poem by Richard Wilbur that i like:
 
"The beautiful changes as a forest is changed
By a chameleon's tuning his skin to it;
As a mantis, arranged
On a green leaf, grows
Into it, makes the leaf leafier, and proves
Any greenness is deeper than anyone knows.

Your hands hold roses always in a way that
     says
They are not only yours; the beautiful changes
In such kind ways,
Wishing ever to sunder
Things and things' selves for a second finding,
     to lose
For a moment all that it touches back to
     wonder. 
 
 
 That's what i wanted to say - " Your hand holds roses in a way that  /says / there not only yours
 
Makes yah think  don't it
 
If  I'm probably not  being more helpful here it is only because i don't know what needs to happen
Maybe a little more lilt /music  some sibilant hissings there / some innocent assonance here
It all depends on what it all boils down too
 
Thank you for posting and inviting me into your words and Jam ON
 
perhaps I'll toss something in - someday - but probably not
 
Again - Best wishes rcd